By: Brenna Holycross
“I just lost it. I got up from the table and ran out of the room. I tried to go up the stairs, but I couldn’t even make it up them because I was crying and shaking so bad.”
That day Tegan Moritz, a Hershey High School senior, had a family dinner with her mom and sister. She does not usually have a family dinner on a regular basis, so she knew something was up. At first, her mom was just making small talk, but then she told them that she has something to tell them about their dad. When this happens, Mortiz gets excited to hear about her dad since she was not able to see him often.
Mortiz’s parents divorced in 2010. Her dad was a full-time musician, and following the divorce he moved to State College because he got an offer to be in a band. Because of the distance and her father’s work hours, Mortiz saw him once a month.
But as the years went on, her dad got physically and mentally sick. He got into prescription drugs and alcohol just like he used to be. This led him to check himself into a rehabilitation center.
Mortiz was unable to visit her dad since he was in the rehabilitation center. She did not see him for two years. The only communication she had with him was through text message. This secret line of communication was unknown to her mother and remains so.
So on February 5, 2015, Moritz’s mom told Mortiz and her sister that in the morning, her father passed away.
That is when Moritz lost it.
“It didn’t even feel like real life, and I know that is the most cliche thing to say, but it is actually what it feels like,” said Mortiz, “You feel like you’re in a whole new world and it just crumbles away.”
Eventually, Mortiz went back to the kitchen and just stared straight. She couldn’t make eye contact with anyone. Then her mom went into further detail about what happened. She told them that their dad passed away in his sleep, but that was all the information they had at the time.
Following her father’s death, Moritz had more difficult days. All she knew was that her father was dead. When friends and teachers asked, there was little she could say. Her father was dead, and the details didn’t matter.
“Having to explain to teachers and friends what happened was one of the worst things ever,” Mortiz said.
She went to school to surround herself with people. Mortiz wanted to be distracted and not think about what happened. But, she had to leave class to go to the bathroom at times when she started to get too upset.
“My dad was my best friend,” said Mortiz.
Nevertheless, Mortiz eventually found out all the information about how her dad died. She was a bit disappointed. Her father died because he stopped taking his diabetic insulin. He got a blood clot which caused him to pass away.
Today this event still affects Mortiz. Whenever she hears people talking badly about their parents, she tries to remind them that they are only trying to do the best for you, and she tries to remind people one thing, “…to cherish the time you have with people.”
She is now comfortable talking about her dad because she cherishes all the memories she has with him, and because the last message she received from her father was from him saying I love you.
Mortiz isn’t the only person who had her experiences affect her. According to a survey given to HHS students, 20% of them said that their experiences make up who they are. Also, 60% of HHS students think that their parents make up who they are.
HHS Guidance Counselor Brendan Hensel said as we get older we reflect more of our experiences because our views change depending on what experiences we have.
A death in the family is a trauma that can leave lifelong emotional scars. Divorce often can be no less traumatic.
A HHS sophomore, Bella D’Adderio, had her parents go through a divorce when she was in third grade. When her parents split up, she spent equal times at their houses. She spent one week with her mom and then one week with her dad. However, she stayed with her mom more because her dad was the one who moved out of the house, and she didn’t like his new house.
Nevertheless, D’Adderio’s mom was never there for her physically and mentally. Sometimes her mom would leave the house and be gone for hours, sometimes she would get home from school and her mom would just be laying in bed, and sometimes her mom would lock her bedroom door, and when D’Adderio asked something, she would get no response. D’Adderio dealt with other issues as well like when her mother would say she’d be home in an hour, but “it was literally three hours.”
By the age of eight, D’Adderio was even making herself dinner.
Despite all of that, she got used to it.
Now, she realized that she would never be able to do that to her own kids.
However, the lifestyle her little sister is growing up in is much different. “My stepmom does everything for her,” she said, “At that age I was doing everything by myself.”
Because of this, D’Adderio now believes that she is a lot more independent. Sometimes she feels that she can be too independent, and wants to do everything on her own. When people try to help her or talk to her about it, she just wants deal with it on her own. That’s how she has always been.
Nevertheless according to Hensel, “Students are a reflection of their parents.”
He thinks that students can reflect their parents in a couple of different ways. They can by the way they behave, or by the way they handle themselves. Another way they do, is how they have a similar attitude towards something.
However, some students are not like their parents. Hensel said this is because maybe they don’t want to be like their parents, or they don’t agree with some of the ways their parents handle things, so they try to be the opposite.
When D’Adderio was asked which parent she is most like, she said that she is a mixture of both of her parents. She has the trait of being outgoing just like her mom. Also, her mom was a cheerleader in High School just like how D’Adderio is now. However, she can be like her dad when she works hard.
Mortiz was also asked this question, and she responded saying she was more like her dad. She thinks this because she more like her dad physically, and she is a jokester just like him. When she realized that people liked people who were humorous, she picked up on the trait because she wanted to make people smile. Also, her dad was very into music just like how Mortiz is today.
Yet, your parents aren’t the only people who can affect you: people can, too. According to the survey, 20% of HHS students think that people make the most impact on who they are, and there is one student at HHS who had someone affect her a lot.
During freshman year, Addilyn Hollick, whose name has been changed in order to protect her identity, got into a relationship. At first, she thought that her boyfriend was great because he bought her gifts all the time and gave her a lot of affection. One time, he bought her an orange rose because orange was her favorite color. However, what she didn’t know is that this relationship would eventually turn into being mentally and physically abusive.
Hollick said her boyfriend later tried to pressure Hollick into smoking. “I was super duper against it, but he told me that it would help me with my anxiety and depression,” said Hollick, “To this day, I am still against it even though I do it myself. I always try to encourage people to stop smoking and to not start.”
As well as her boyfriend pressuring her, she said he would lie a lot about money and about cheating on her. She said she would break up with him when she heard about this, but she would get back together with him because she would think he changed.
Eventually it got to the point when one time he cheated on her, she said she tried to kill herself. After that, Hollick said she spent two weeks in a mental hospital and also attended therapy. The treatment has helped her enough that Hollick no longer requires medication she said.
Today, she said is still affected by this relationship. However, Hollick believes that there are good things about it.
“I know what I deserve, I know what I do and don’t want in a relationship, and I know what is good in a relationship and what is bad,” Hollick said, “I also only am with people who are good to me.”
Hollick’s event is just one example of how people can influence who you are. Nevertheless, Hensel said that there is a difference between peers and their parents. Peers will change: eventually you will meet new people who will influence you in a different way.
Mortiz thinks that all together, experiences, parents, and friends can make up who you are. Hensel thinks it is more complex than that. He thinks that a number of things can make up who you are. Some of those things are your community, education, values of the people you surround yourself with, media, parents, and how much self-reflection you do.
Mortiz said, “In the end, it all depends on how you want to take life.”
*The Derry Township School District does not encourage smoking and is against it. Also, DTSD reminds people that you are NOT alone. If you are going through something similar, you can talk any teachers or go to the guidance office anytime. Help is available.*